Ashlee W.

moving my blog!

2011-12-29T23:42:00.001-07:00

all my old posts have been imported to my new blog, which is at:

www.yourashlee.blogspot.com

i won't be posting on this one anymore in a while, so follow that one instead.

2011-12-29T01:38:00.000-07:00

online journal.

2011-12-29T01:37:00.001-07:00

so as of two weeks ago i keep an online journal on ohlife.com
in about 7 posts i've typed about 6500 words of my feelings! that's kind of a lot.. that's a 16 page essay people.

2011-12-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

When all your friends have come and gone,
And the sun no longer shines,
And the happiness for which you long is washed away like an ocean's tide,
When all the hard times outweigh the good,
And all your words are misunderstood,
When the day seems lost from the start
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

If you feel you've paid the price,
And your wounds should cease to heal
And everything you love in life spins like a winding wheel.
If you should wake to find you're abandoned,
And the road you've traveled leads to a dead-end
When loss creeps in to play it's part,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

2011-12-23T14:51:00.001-07:00

I can't do this. I can't.

Please. Please. Please.

Heaven's Grocery Store

2011-12-18T14:40:00.001-07:00

A lady in Relief Society recited this poem during the lesson today. It really touched me and had me tearing up at the very end.

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago. One day I saw a sign
that read: "Heaven's Grocery Store." As I got a little closer the door opened
and I saw a host of angels, they were standing everywhere. One handed me a
basket and said, "My child, shop with care." Everything a Christian needed was
in the grocery store; and all you couldn't carry, you could come back for
more.

First, I got some Patience. Love was in the same row, further down was
Understanding, you need that everywhere you go. I got a box of Wisdom, a
bag or two of Faith. I just couldn't miss the Holy Spirit, for it was all
over the place. I stopped to get some Strength and Courage to help me run the
race. By then my basket was getting full, but I remembered I needed some
Grace. I didn't forget Salvation, for Salvation was free. So I tried to
get enough of that to save both you and me.

Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill, for I thought I had
everything I needed to do my Master's will. When I went up the isle I
saw Prayer and I had to put that in, for I knew when I stepped outside, I
would run right into sin.

Peace and Joy were plentiful. They were on the last shelf. Song of
Praises were hanging near, so I just helped myself. Then I said to the angel,
"How much do I owe?" He just smiled and said, "Just take them everywhere you
go."

Again I smiled at him and said, "How much do I really owe?" He smiled at
me and said, "My child, Jesus paid your bill a long, long time ago."

---Author Unknown

little insignificant things.

2011-12-13T16:50:00.002-07:00

sunday i really wanted some chocolate cake. i told lots of people to bring me some but of course they weren't going to take me seriously. i got a yummy brownie thing that night (courtesy of sarah britt) but the next day i still wanted chocolate cake.
so today, tuesday, i was at work craving my chocolate cake. i was chatting with my friends on google chat asking them to bring me cake but of course not being completely serious about it seeing as how i work at least 15 minutes away from any of them.
i started contemplating other ways to obtain some chocolate cake. maybe i'll buy some cake mix! but then i realized i'd need an oven. so i went to walmart.com and searched "ovens" to see if they sold them. oh yeah.. they sell countertop ovens. i was considering going to walmart and asking if i could borrow an oven.
but then i realized that was ridiculous.
so i did what any normal person would do and i bought a nice little packaged chocolate cake for $2.50.
consider me temporarily happy. if only the rest of life was like that.

2011-12-12T20:00:00.005-07:00

"Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine (see D&C 64:9–10). Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs …, to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships" -Dallin H. Oaks

It is not repentance per se that saves man. It is the blood of Jesus Christ that saves us. It is not by our sincere and honest change of behavior alone that we are saved, but "grace that we are saved, after all we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23). True repentance, however, is the condition required so that God’s forgiveness can come into our lives. True repentance makes "a brilliant day [out] of the darkest night." -Spencer W. Kimball

When I imagine a brilliant day, I imagine this.

“Yea, I say unto you, … there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy” (Alma 36:21)

2011-12-12T16:41:00.001-07:00

until the day i die, i'll prove my love to you.

some things i read tonight.

2011-12-12T01:52:00.003-07:00

I strongly agree with everything I put here. It was written by Spencer W. Kimball, former president of the LDS church.

Consciousness of guilt should bring one to his knees in humbleness with “a broken heart and a contrite spirit” and in “sack cloth and ashes.”

There must be a pricking of conscience, perhaps sleepless hours, eyes that are wet, for Alma says:
“… none but the truly penitent are saved.” (Alma 42:24.)

“Rationalizing is the bringing of ideals down to the level of one’s conduct while repentance is the bringing of one’s conduct up to the level of his ideals.”

Very frequently people think they have repented and are worthy of forgiveness when all they have done is to express sorrow or regret at the unfortunate happening, but their repentance is barely started. Until they have begun to make changes in their lives, transformation in their habits, and to add new thoughts to their minds, to be sorry is only a bare beginning.

Many people cannot repent until they have suffered much. They cannot direct their thoughts into new clean channels. They cannot control their acts. They cannot plan their future properly until they have lost values that they did not seem to fully appreciate.

http://lds.org/new-era/1974/05/what-is-true-repentance?lang=eng&query=repentance

love me.

2011-12-10T19:08:00.001-07:00

the world spins madly on.

2011-12-10T18:20:00.003-07:00

sometimes life gets really hard for a long time. sometimes it feels like it'll stay that way forever and there's nothing you can do to change it. sometimes. you feel like everything is your fault and you're alone but you're stuck with yourself.

i'm so glad i have Kelsey. without her i would feel so alone right now, because none of my family lives in this part of the state. it's just really hard right now.. life.. but i'm loved, and so i'll be okay.

4 days

2011-12-08T12:37:00.003-07:00

since i've spoken to you. for most people that would seem like a long time. it's too bad i'm used to not talking to you. since i only did it 4 times in 2 years...
but i still miss you.

I have seen what man can do
When the evil lives inside of you
Many are the weak
And the strong are few
But with the water
We'll start anew

Well, won't you take me down to the levy, take me down to the stream, take my down to the water,
we're gonna wash our souls clean, take me down to the river, take me down to the lake,
Yes, we'll all go together, we're gonna do it for the good Lord's sake

I have fallen so many times
For the devil's sweet, cunning rhymes
And this old world
Has brought me pain
But there's hope
For me again

Well, won't you take me down to the levy, take me down to the stream, take my down to the water,
we're gonna wash our souls clean, take me down to the river, take me down to the lake,
Yes, we'll all go together, we're gonna do it for the good Lord's sake

2011-12-06T23:35:00.001-07:00

man, this has really been a hard, crappy year for everyone hasn't it?

i knew i'd know.

2011-12-06T00:45:00.001-07:00

everything will be okay, eventually. i don't know how or when. it's going to be hard. it's the hardest thing i've ever done, even harder knowing i did this to myself. but i can do it. i have all the help in the world. i am so loved. and one day i will be happy again.

hope.

2011-12-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

i will never let go of it. ever.

2011-12-05T01:57:00.002-07:00

if i could do anything

2011-12-04T19:33:00.001-07:00

if i could do anything.. if there was a genie here to grant me a wish.. if God would grant me one miracle... if i could make anything happen it would be this-

to somehow make Jeremy believe that I love him.

Ethan Watts

2011-12-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

thanks for taking my photo, Ethan!

2011-11-30T15:09:00.002-07:00

mind. your. own. business.

and let me live my life.

nothing bothers me more than people who have the nerve to involve themselves in something they know nothing about.

the best Thanksgiving weekend.

2011-11-28T10:26:00.005-07:00

My Jeremy finally came home.
It was the weirdest feeling I can have ever experienced. I said goodbye to this boy on November 17th, 2009 around 8 pm outside my parent's house in St. George. I knew I wouldn't see him for two whole years.
So the day before Thanksgiving. November 23rd, 2011, I drove down to St. George from Provo at 6:45 a.m. with Nate Rice and his girlfriend, Ashlie Gilbert. I spent the day getting my nails done and getting things ready. That evening I helped Jeremy's parents, Sammie and Steve, preparing for the following day's events. I painted posters, I set up a table with mine and Jeremy's "love letters." I actually slept quite well that night.
The next day. Thanksgiving. Jeremy due to arrive to the new St. George airport at 12:29 pm. My whole family, his whole family, everyone was there. I felt like I was being watched, in my brand new outfit, as I felt a million different emotions streaming through my mind. Was this really happening? No way. But if it's not, why am I standing here with all these posters and all these people? Has it really come to an end? But.. but it's always been this thing that was never going to happen. 15 months to go, 9 months, 6 months, 6 weeks, 2 weeks, 2 days... it's today. That's what I was thinking. No. Way. I could never be ready for this. Was I supposed to be feeling more ready? What was I supposed to be feeling? I couldn't really breathe. Word came that he was to arrive at 12:13. It was 12:07.
Oh my gosh I haven't seen him for two years. What will he look like? Will he think I'm pretty? Will he hug me? I don't think he's supposed to, but will he anyway? What will everyone else do? What will he say to me? Will I see him and still love him?
His plane is flying in. I see it. Landing on the runway. I run down the stairs into the waiting area and everyone follows behind me with their balloons and posters.
I'm standing against a brick wall as everyone assumes their positions. I can see Jeremy's fellow passengers passing through a room behind some glass doors and windows toward us. Here he comes here he comes here he comes. I hear someone say "There he is!" and I literarlly scream. I'm screaming his name and crying and becoming hysterical. Is this real? Then I see him and it is the weirdest strangest most wonderful most normal feeling in the world. There is my love, right there, right in front of me. I haven't seen him for two years, he wasn't real during all that time, I forgot his love, but there he is. Right. There.
He hugs his mom. Then his dad. Then both together. I am staring at his face between their two heads and he glances at me.
Then he let's go. I'm standing right there, everyone else at least 5 feet behind me. He walks toward me slowly, reaches out his arms and I am instantly surrounded by them. What a glorious hug. What a glorious feeling. He hugs me so tightly, then he pulls back and holds me in his arms while he takes a good look at my face as he says, "It's so good to see you!" And I melt. His smile is so beautiful. His real smile, not the frozen one I see in pictures. His real face. His real voice. His real laugh. All in person.
He hugs me again and again until he says "I have to say hi to everyone else, Ash!" and he does. And I have tears running down my cheeks, and I can't contain myself.
I never ever want to forget those feelings. The feelings of when I saw his plane, then when I heard someone say they saw him, then when I saw him, then when I waited for him to hug his parents, then when he hugged me, then when he looked at me, then everything after that.

the best i can describe how i'm feeling.

2011-11-23T15:32:00.002-07:00

Where to even begin?
I dated Jeremy Garcia in high school from August 11th, 2007 until he left on an LDS mission on November 18th, 2009.
The day before, November 17th, I said goodbye to Jeremy for what would be 736 days. The 736th day happens to be tomorrow.
Before Jeremy left we spent almost every day together. My family loves him, his family loves me, he's basically integrated into my life in every single way. He's even in my family pictures! Before he left I knew I wanted to marry him and that I would be able to do that when he got home from his mission.
Two years is a really freaking long time. I've met hundreds of new people, gone through two jobs, two summers, two Christmases, two New Years, two birthdays, two years of college, two everythings. That means lots and lots of changing and growing and learning. I've experienced so many things! I've made really stupid mistakes, I've learned from them, and I've grown to be more of an adult. I am a person I really like and am happy to be.
Over these two years I've probably written Jeremy around 50 handwritten letters, and probably 100 or so emails. Who knows how many for sure. I've loved him all this time but it has been so hard to remember what it's like to have him around. I could go on about that for hours. Even going one month without his hugs, kisses, laugh, voice, everything is hard. But two YEARS?! Are you kidding me?! For much of his absence he has felt like a dream to me, a dream I woke up from when he left. But I know he's real even though I haven't seen him for so long. I've always known, of course, how much time is left until his two years are up. But it still was never going to happen, in my mind. Well guess what. It's happening tomorrow and I'm freaking out.
What if he doesn't love me? What if he's so different that I can't feel the same way about him? What if what if what if? I just need to calm down. I hope that when he sees me he will accept my hug. Cause I know when I see him at the airport I will want to run and jump into his arms (but not until after his mother does, of course).
But seriously, I couldn't think of any better thing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. It's the best thing ever. I seriously think tomorrow will be the happiest day of my life. I sure have a lot of hope for it!
Pray for me. Wish me good luck. We'll see what happens. And pretty soon, the whole world will know. Because I swear it's like everyone I know knows about it and cares at least a little bit. It's exciting but strange.
Oh just help me. I have anxiety. I hope I can sleep tonight.

never

2011-11-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

have i had more anxiety in my life.

2011-11-20T01:32:00.003-07:00

today was a long day, but in a good way. i love saturdays, but they come and go way too fast!
first i went to my last work meeting at 8 a.m. then i worked a shift from 9-2. kelsey got off at the same time so we both met up at home and got ready to go shopping! i try not to spend money on things i don't need very often, like clothes, but since my boyfriend is coming home in 4 days (insert inexpressible excitement here) my sweet mother gave me money to spend on a new outfit. haha.
so first we went to the new H&M in murray because it just opened last week. it was smaller than i thought it would be, and really nothing special. the one in vegas is better. however, i bought a ring, earrings, and a shirt!
then we went to the gateway in salt lake city where i bought a jacket and we visited kelsey's friend manuel.

this is the interesting part of the night. kelsey has an uncle who ran away from home when he was 17 and didn't contact his family at all for 30 YEARS! and that was just within the last few years. kelsey had only met him once her whole life, but she got a hold of his address because she knew he lived in salt lake. so, without any sort of notice, we just showed up at his house (oh and we brought manuel with us). manuel and i didn't say much, but kelsey had a great conversation with him and mostly the woman he lives with (they used to be married). they have living with them a couple of her daughters i think, and there were 5 kids there. triplet girls who i fell in love with, and two little boys who i also fell in love with.

and then we went to manuel's house and just chilled and acted stupid. the end.

2011-11-19T01:57:00.001-07:00

when we were born we were given
2 eyes to see
2 ears to hear
2 hands to touch
2 lips to speak
2 legs to walk

but why only one heart?
because the other one was given to someone else to come and find you.

awwwuh cute.

2011-11-18T22:04:00.003-07:00

Don't stress over what could've been, chances are if it should've been, it would've been.

2011-11-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

2011-11-17T19:47:00.001-07:00

breaking hearts

2011-11-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

is never fun.

braces off.

2011-11-14T09:26:00.001-07:00

i'm glad i didn't have to have braces very long, but i'm so glad they're off. one good thing going on right now.

2011-11-09T02:05:00.003-07:00

my webcam sucks.

2011-11-09T01:18:00.001-07:00

so i was looking through my webcam photos and i take so many for no reason. so.. here's 5 since i got this laptop, for no reason.

2011-11-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

i will live here one day.

2011-11-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

2011-11-06T17:25:00.001-07:00

2011-11-06T00:19:00.001-06:00

2011-11-05T20:43:00.000-06:00

Travis' hat!

Kelsey Lyn Barber

2011-11-05T02:51:00.005-06:00

if there's one person i'm grateful for at this moment in time, it's Kelsey.
we were brought together under unlikely circumstances. we quickly became close friends despite a not-so-awesome past as acquaintances.
we have known of each other since about august of 2007, didn't meet in person until the following year, and didn't become friends until last year. it wasn't even until this summer, when Kelsey moved up here to Provo, that we really became friends. she planned to move just down the street from me before even realizing how close i lived! we started hanging out every day and had such a fun summer with all our friends. we have fun doing anything together, whether it's driving to the gas station to get energy drinks, or going to salt lake to visit friends and go to gay clubs (okay that happened once), or going to salt lake to do pretty much nothing at all, or watching movies at home. we hung out pretty much every day in the summer and we decided to move in together in the fall, which we did. we found an amazing, perfect place to live where Kels and i share the top floor. we each have our own bedroom but we share a bathroom.

anyway... the point is. i'm so grateful for such an amazing friend who is always there for me. even when we have little arguments we know how to work through them. we've both dealt with enough stupid friends in the past and grown up enough to be able to handle anything. we support each other and are understanding of the other one's mistakes. Kelsey is always helping me feel better when things just suck without letting me get off easy for doing stupid things.
Kelsey gets me more than anyone. i've never been able to relate to someone like i do with her. we have so much in common it's pretty crazy. and even though we don't look alike most of the time, countless people have mistaken us for sisters.
she always knows what to say, when to hug me, when to let me cry, when to scold me, when to ask me what's wrong. i just love my best friend so much.

i mostly just wanted to post this because tonight Kelsey came in my bedroom and we talked a while about the future. it feels like so many things are happening right now and i'm actually quite terrified. my whole world is going to change and will never be the same again. Kels is right there for me, both literally and figuratively, whenever i need her. she has helped me get through more than anyone will ever know in these past six months. i know we will always be best friends. she is here for me when i feel like i'm stuck in one place or when i'm being pulled in the opposite direction at 1,000 miles per hour. all i can say is thank you and i love you Kelsey! and also that most of the things i say at this hour don't make sense when i type them as well as they do in my head... (3:22 a.m.)

oh and don't forget Kelsey's adorable boyfriend Austin!

good times in college.

2011-11-04T11:28:00.008-06:00

i've just been thinking back about some of the things i've done recently with great friends. it amazes me how many people i've made awesome connections with and how my network is so intertwined yet so extensive at the same time. i love it and i love all the things i get to do with such fun, diverse people. i just wanted to post some pictures about a few random things and people.
like when i was in that band. i can check that off my bucket list.. although i plan on being in another band very soon.

or that time i made 32 chicken rolls and invited 14 people over. like mike and cj here! how'd i meet them? met mike at a wedding, and cj is his friend.

i used to have study dates with jordan all the time. it was fun and we actually did lots of homework!

i even miss steven and andrew! haha good times during this last summer. we'd jam and just do fun things that people our age are supposed to do.

that one time i was at jeremy and josh phelps' house til like 5 a.m. and i started acting like a little girl.

and i used to be friends with this guy who is totally all about classic rock and stuff like that.

and i don't see many people from high school, but kyle has visited me a couple times when i go to st. george.

and once a couple people from my previous ward and some other friends took me and madeline shooting. i'm actually not too bad at it! at least with a small shotgun haha.

i miss hanging out with josh and the big group of friends we had. a couple of the younger ones left on missions and i just haven't seen the rest of them much lately. but seriously we did fun things every single weekend. even though this is just 3 of them :)

and the summer before last when i lived in st. george and i hung out with jostlyn and kiersten all the time. i miss them so much. we and like 5 other girls were all waiting for missionaries at the same time. we were so silly but i could tell these girls anything.

and once i randomly went with josh and some friends to las vegas for a day. we did random things like chilled on this rooftop vip lounge.

or this summer when i went with my family to two lakes all day long with a boat. love my family and the things we do together even though i'm the only one who lives in northern/central ish utah.

and matt and adam used to come over every sunday after church just to talk. they mostly just sat on our couches and made each other laugh so i think they came over purely for my entertainment. this time they actually did our dishes! so sweet. i miss my old ward sometimes.

one of my favorite birthdays was this year even though it was just me turning 20, nothing special. i wasn't going to do anything but i decided two days prior to my birthday that i wanted to have a small party. my good friends lealand and justin offered to host it at their townhouse in orem. so on a thursday i invited whoever i could think of, because i didn't think hardly anyone would come on such a short notice. but lo and behold, the place was stuffed upstairs and downstairs! i didn't get many pictures but this is one of them. i felt special. thanks friends.

or that one time i was on a flag football team for byu intramurals. except that i lost my locket :( i had worn it every single day for.. two and a half years? i think? then they made me take it off to play. and when i got home all my jewelry was in my backpack except my locket.. yeah i started to hyperventilate and i checked byu's lost and found 6 times. no luck.

or when my little sister desi would come visit me at college.

and when i was really good friends with jo laposa and we'd talk all the time. this was last winter in salt lake city. we didn't have a car cause we came from layton by train, and at one point we were walking outside at night in the snow with thin jackets on for two hours straight. what an adventure!

also this summer i went camping with my family at duck creek in cedar mountain. this is my youngest sister tasha and i four-wheeling.

and once i went long boarding down provo canyon with these two guys... logan and chad.

this is the second ihop extravaganza with jeremy jensen and friends. it was almost the same people as the first time, and justin and camille (who met at the first one) are now engaged! justin is the same person who hosted my party.

and again, summer before last with these amazing girls.

this is random but i guess you could say i kinda miss garet gardner. kels and i visited his apartment.. once. haha let's just say there are more fun things to do than play video games while the boys lay on their beds and watch.

and august of this year when i went with a big group of people (josh wilson, bev, blake, ashley, etc) to san diego. we all helped manage a large photography team for the state games of america.

and this summer when we went to the salt lake city cemetery to be scared. me, kelsey, joey, emilie, and brandon.

steven again, and his friend brian. then me and kelsey and my old roommate katie who is now on a mission in seattle. just a random night.

at the same house i had my birthday party, this is with lealand and another roommate of his, caeleb.

well that's it for me and my missing people. time goes by too fast. but i've done so much and i'm happy about it! this was just a taste of my time in college.

2011-11-04T11:26:00.000-06:00

people i know.

2011-11-02T15:41:00.000-06:00

i'm friends with some of the people who work at my gym, or at least i like to think so! one of them is Mike, a guy who used to be in the Ghana army (according to Brian, another gym guy, Mike was a captain!). anyway, i saw him wearing a cool bracelet that he said he made, so i jokingly told him to make me one. he told me he'd make me a necklace. i completely forgot about it, but the next time i was at the gym, he walked over to me, pulled this necklace out of his backpack, and put it on me! little things like this that make me happy :)

2011-11-02T02:15:00.000-06:00

2011-11-02T02:09:00.001-06:00

2011-11-01T13:48:00.001-06:00

Halloween was fun! the 4 of us (amanda, travis, colton, me) went up the mountain up a creepy road and took travis' giant flat screen and watched a scary movie. it was freezing but cozy at the same time!

2011-11-01T13:45:00.001-06:00

2011-10-31T21:57:00.000-06:00

2011-10-31T11:35:00.001-06:00

2011-10-31T11:31:00.002-06:00

2011-10-31T01:35:00.000-06:00

2011-10-30T16:41:00.001-06:00

doppleganger for reals.

2011-10-29T02:24:00.001-06:00

so.. this really happened on tuesday night and it was way weird. haha amanda was too freaked out to go any closer to this chick.

2011-10-27T22:57:00.000-06:00

for a girl who only recently discovered how to follow her heart, it's hard to follow her brain instead,
knowing the freedom she found in having said
what she meant
and sending her feelings where she wanted them to be sent
but these certain changes, she must prevent.

i am the worst kind of person.

2011-10-27T18:00:00.000-06:00

and i mean it.

2011-10-27T16:02:00.000-06:00

2011-10-27T08:47:00.000-06:00

2011-10-26T11:43:00.000-06:00

2011-10-25T20:50:00.000-06:00

every now and then, the way someone says something to me makes me smile for a long time either because it's funny or because it's just cute. today when my coworker and i were walking out to our cars after work, he said, "ashlee don't tell your missionary but your hair looks hot today." haha he never says stuff like that to me. that's all.

a weekend home again.

2011-10-24T10:25:00.001-06:00

of course i had to go home last weekend to meet my brand new nephew! he's so tiny, especially after i'm used to how big Connor has grown! oh my goodness i love my nephews.

and i always miss my dogs. this is Lady :)

beautiful baby!

and this is me and Connor right before i left to come back to Provo yesterday.

Parker Benjamin Tyrrel

2011-10-24T10:15:00.000-06:00

2011-10-24T01:30:00.001-06:00

2011-10-20T20:29:00.001-06:00

this is my burn i got last week.
and i'm an idiot and burned my leg on Travis' motorcycle. i should've known... also, ignore the obvious hairs on my leg.

evening with Travis.

2011-10-20T20:13:00.002-06:00

Travis took me on a motorcycle ride and we went up to Rock Canyon! then we hiked up the canyon and talked and enjoyed the pretty scenery. then we went back to his place and washed Obi!

2011-10-20T10:42:00.000-06:00

2011-10-20T10:34:00.001-06:00

2011-10-19T10:18:00.001-06:00

a little catch up.

2011-10-19T02:01:00.004-06:00

last weekend (Oct. 7th-9th) i went home and got to see my wonderful mommy,

my daddy,

my sweet nephew Connor, and the rest of my family.

then that night i watched The Fog (the fag?) with Kelsey, Amanda, Adam, and Duke. we moved all the furniture around and made a giant bed in our living room! love it when we do that.

i didn't mention, but my good English friend Matt just left for the Marines yesterday. i miss him. (he's on the left of this picture)

and this is my roommate Rebecca. i love her!

2011-10-18T15:38:00.001-06:00

parker!

2011-10-17T13:32:00.001-06:00

best day ever! this is me after i watched my sister Kirsten give birth to her second baby Parker on skype!!

kalob!

2011-10-17T13:25:00.004-06:00

look who i ran into today! i hadn't seen him for over 4 years and i thought i'd never see him again. we met at EFY in 2007 :) he's an RM and married now!

claire white.

2011-10-17T12:54:00.001-06:00

my new friend Claire White used me for her photography assignment. it was a project with an emphasis on hair and she needed a brunette! it was super fun.

2011-10-17T10:37:00.001-06:00

aspen loop!

2011-10-16T20:52:00.000-06:00

Kels and i just really wanted to go enjoy the fall colors on this beautiful sunday, so we did and it was awesome. love love love.

they shall be lions

2011-10-16T20:03:00.002-06:00

why are my coworkers so cool? thanks for going with me to see They Shall Be Lions, Chad!! missed you while you were in Brazil :) it's so good to have you back.

2011-10-16T13:14:00.003-06:00

2011-10-16T13:13:00.000-06:00

2011-10-16T12:01:00.000-06:00

2011-10-16T11:59:00.001-06:00

travel.

2011-10-16T11:51:00.001-06:00

why does traveling have to be so expensive? take me to all these places.

celebrities.

2011-10-14T13:53:00.003-06:00

these are a few of the celebrities i've been told i look like. there are quite a few more but the thing is, i almost never get told the same one twice. the only ones i've heard more than once are demi lovato and emma stone (at least that i can remember). seriously though, don't worry, i don't agree with any of them. i've come to the conclusion that i must have a face that's all of them mixed together, therefore, i am average.

harold b. lee library (byu)

2011-10-14T08:44:00.003-06:00

this is the beautiful campus of the school i attend,
and this is the beautiful library i'm sitting in right now.

according to Wikipedia: "The library has approximately 98 miles (158 km) of shelving for the more than 6 million items in its various collections, as well as a seating capacity for 4,600 people. On November 15, 2000, the library was 665,000 square feet. Today, the library is supported by 351 full-time equivalent employees."

i feel so blessed and lucky to go to this school.

2011-10-14T01:38:00.002-06:00

aren't these foodscapes cool???

2011-10-14T00:49:00.000-06:00

2011-10-12T10:16:00.001-06:00

this is me:
-A great deal of physical energy alternating with a great need for quiet and rest.
-Smart and naïve at the same time. A mix of wisdom and childishness. Emotional immaturity along with the deepest insights.
-Convergent (rational, left brain, sound judgment) and divergent (intuitive, right brain, visionary) thinking…
-Both extroverted and introverted, needing people and solitude equally.
-Humble and proud, both painfully self-doubting and wildly self-confident.
-May defy gender stereotypes, and are likely to have not only the strengths of their own gender but those of the other as well. A kind of psychic androgyny.

2011-10-10T09:00:00.004-06:00

2011-10-08T23:59:00.001-06:00

2011-10-08T16:25:00.001-06:00

2011-10-08T16:02:00.001-06:00

visiting home.

2011-10-07T22:42:00.001-06:00

I drove to St. George today to surprise my family. Only Desi knew I was coming because I saw her earlier this week in Provo. I had to tell someone to make sure they weren't going out of town or something! So they were all completely surprised and happy to see me :)
And the drive went by sooo fast because my friend Adam Hine drove with me! I've done the drive so many times by myself and it can get so boring. But seriously this was the shortest trip from Provo to St. George ever! Love Adam.

Jeremy Steven Garcia

2011-10-07T01:17:00.007-06:00

Jeremy is the love of my life. I haven't seen him for almost 2 years because he's on and LDS mission in Montana. But they're two years long so he's almost done! He comes home on Thanksgiving day, and his plane lands at 12:29 pm in St. George, Utah. I couldn't be more excited!

This boy changed my life. Even though I haven't seen him for so long, I still feel closer and more connected to him than any of my friends or any boys I've been around while he's been gone. It's a weird thing I can't describe. It's love of course, but it's so much more than that.

Jeremy is an excellent person. He's polite, decent, thoughtful, and kind. He goes out of his way to make people happy or comforted, but it seems like he doesn't really have to think about it. It just comes naturally for him. He cares so much about the people and things he cares about. It's obvious because he's on a mission where he does nothing but serve others!

Jeremy has a passion for music. I know you can say that about a lot of people, but it really is one of the things that drew me to him after I met him and it's something that really binds our relationship. He's a talented guitar player, song writer, and even sometimes a singer. He has opened up my ears for good taste in music, although I have branched out (especially since he's been gone) and found some stuff of my own. One of the reasons he wanted to first meet me was because of a certain song that was on my Myspace page over 4 years ago: "Your Hand In Mine" by Explosions in the Sky. That is now our song. We even saw the band together in SLC and held hands during it just to be cheesy romantic.

I know we're both pretty sentimental people and I love that Jeremy is on the same level as me in every single aspect of life. We agree on things spiritually, socially, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I've never met someone who exceeded my dreaming expectations like Jeremy has. It's like he's perfect for me in the most miniscule of ways. Ways that don't necessarily matter, but because of them we are just so... good together.

We want to share our lives with each other. I know Jeremy wants to and will be a wonderful husband and father someday hopefully soon.

I can't wait until I get to see his huge smile again, feel his arms around me, hear his laugh and his calming, strong voice. I want to look into his eyes and feel complete again.

Thanks for being my best friend and my love, Jeremy. You are the reason I can smile even when things are overwhelming. I truly love you and I always will.

2011-10-06T21:08:00.000-06:00

favorite question today comes from my friend Dallin:
"do you get paid for being hot?"
hahaha thanks friend.

hello again, ethan killian.

2011-10-06T14:55:00.006-06:00

thank you ethan! pictures from my 3rd shoot with ethan killian.

snake!

2011-09-29T15:10:00.003-06:00

so Amanda and i were walking to the mailbox when i saw a snake slithering through the intersection outside our house. i kept chasing after it, wanting to catch it, but for some reason i was freaking out a little bit. i've held giant snakes before (as seen below) and little ones too, but the thought of catching this thing was scary. as it slithered it bounced inches above the ground! so i made my neighbor guy friend who was outside come catch it for me then hand it to me.

2011-09-28T22:40:00.001-06:00

2011-09-27T16:20:00.001-06:00

2011-09-27T00:39:00.001-06:00

2011-09-25T23:03:00.000-06:00

2011-09-25T18:10:00.001-06:00

2011-09-24T22:04:00.000-06:00

my place.

2011-09-23T11:31:00.002-06:00

I guess I can tell you all why I love the place where I live so much. it's a duplex in north provo in a neighborhood of weird, quirky duplexes. ours was completely touched up before we moved in: new floors, carpet, paint, and even furniture. i have a small room but at least i know that no one has slept on my mattress but me! i have a comfy, spinny chair to sit at while i study. i live on the top floor with my best friend Kelsey who i share a bathroom with. then Amanda and Rebecca live in the basement (same size as our upstairs). the main floor has a living room, then up a couple stairs is the kitchen, dining room, and our very own laundry room. it's wonderful! plus we live in an awesome neighborhood full of awesome people (who have vending machines and motorcycles and hot tubs on the side of their houses). anyway, here are a few pictures of my favorite parts of our house!

2011-09-22T09:55:00.000-06:00